Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fear is a stalker

I think I've come to see what's keeping me from doing everything I SHOULD be doing. And it is fear. I haven't really put my finger on what the fear actually is, but at least I acknowledge it.
Maybe it's a fear of success. I've seen it first hand.
Maybe it's a fear of failure.
Maybe it's a little of both.

I want to succeed, and I've known failure and I think I've tricked myself into thinking I'm ok with it.

I started to tackle these fears this afternoon when I picked up the self portrait that's been sitting at my desk for almost two months.

I wanted to spend my summer break preparing myself for my senior thesis. But I couldn't bring myself to complete A SINGLE PROJECT. I started an Edgar Allen Poe portrait, it flopped, I threw it away and didn't pick anything back up at all.
I think finishing my pin up project finally pushed my mental buttons.

I'll be afraid. But this time, I'll be afraid with the knowledge that it's sitting in my brain and waiting for me, and if I combat it by working then maybe I can come to terms with it. As long as I can keep it chained up.


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