Always half done

So I haven't been sitting on my laurels too much lately. It's just that I haven't finished anything. Started, yes. Finished, no. But that's my usual M.O. So my plan is to at least COMPLETE the four projects I have started before school starts in September. One has to be finished before October because I want to put it in a group show.

So here are photos of the 3 out of the 4 projects I have started. These are rough sketches and drafts.

Speaking of school... When I got my award letter, I was reminded that I was $2,000 short of being able to pay for next semester. I'm at my lifetime limit of federal loans. I wished that I would have remembered this after I graduated the first time. I went to a technical school 1997-1998, spent or rather, wasted $13,000 on a certificate that was useless.  The school taught us programs that were obsolete by the time I graduated and their idea of a placement department was scanning the newspaper and sending you to the interview. I sure wish I could have half of that $13k now that I'm trying to get my BFA. It's just a case of "if I knew then what I know now". But you can't focus on that, just go full steam ahead.

I'm appreciative of all the grants AND scholarships that I've received. It's relieved a lot of the burden of having to take out loans. I really should have just stayed at my parents house and used my last personal loan to pay for looming school debt. But, being 33, I was eager to get back into living on my own and with Steve coming home from Iraq, I thought it would be a little uncomfortable having him stay and "live" with us there. But looking back on it now, it would have been a sound financial idea for the both of us.

When I first got the letter I thought "This is what I needed to get my ass in gear to freelance" and more recently I've spent a few moments panicking, sobbed a little and set my mind right again by allowing the chips to fall where they may and applied for work. At least I could try to make monthly payments, right? It's been harrowing.

The Universe has been good to me. I could spend an hour giving you great, positive examples. Steve, Portland, friends, school, family, etc. I just need to trust in that, and not give in to the dark thoughts of panic and negativity. It's hard when I'm so close to the end I can touch the finish line. Shit, I can see the finish line. I'm the first person in my family to go to school and get a degree. I live to make my family proud of me. I want to do this, I've worked so incredibly hard to get where I am now. I sacrificed more than I care to admit.

I spent so long in the beginning being a whiny bitch and wanting to quit if I didn't get my way.  I've made so many positive changes since that little girl (of 28) that I don't want to ruin it. If I have to put it off for another year, fine. I don't really want to do this because I'm so close, but if I have to, I will begrudgingly do it.

I'm scared. But I'm ready. And I'm ready to work my ass off even more to get there.

Oh, seriously now, I've been slacking

I've found myself with an amazing opportunity that I've been neglecting. I could be flourishing in my "studio" and pumping out work left and right.
Instead, I wake up, stay in my pajamas until the afternoon, and talk to myself about all the things I "could" be doing.
I "could" be promoting myself. I "could" be trying to put out new work. I "could" be experimenting. I "could" be trying to make some money from my work.
I've spent a long time being insecure about my stuff, referring to the multitude of other artists I know who are wildly talented and great at self promotion.
But I live like a hermit with my work because I keep telling myself that I don't have any great ideas, when in fact I have a plethora of ideas that I haven't even tried yet.
I tell myself it'll never work because I can't do it, it won't turn out right. But how will I know if I don't try?!
I tell myself that no one follows my stuff because no one really reads my blogs anymore. Well, who's going to read a blog that's barely updated? Who's going to check out a website that has outdated art and hasn't been completed?

I am able to do this through the awesome generosity of my boyfriend, and basically, by not working on anything, I'm shoving it in his face. I was able to start working on a painting that has remained unfinished for almost 10 years. That was the kick to the ass that I needed. Now I'm in the mood to get this tiny ball rolling.

So there. I said it. I'm putting my butt back in the saddle, and working like a big girl should. Big girl pants on.

Man About Town

I wanted to join a local group art show this month called "Creepy Crawlies" but because of outstanding attentions skills, I missed the deadline. So I figured I'd finish at least one project I started.I've been inspired to work more with linoleum prints because they've gone over so well with people. Someone bought two of my robot pieces as a wedding gift to their friend, from the show I was in last month...er, well, in February.

I love working in the medium, and mom was sweet enough to buy me a mini press, and I'm still learning the process. But it's stress relieving and fun!

So here's two versions of "Man About Town". The one in the frame is the last print before I edited the image. The second, I thinned out his jacket a bit and am trying to decide who's going to go in the frame.

In between

I haven't been doing as much personal work as I would like lately. I just got over a case of the cabin fever blues and then jumped right into school.
I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get any drawing done this semester because I have mostly liberal arts classes.
But I got to do a narrative piece that I've had mulling in my mind for years now.

I may change it at some point in the future because I want to practice my technique more. I'll let you decide what the story is.

I'll write more (and include photos) of the group show I was in recently at the good gallery here in portland. Robot Love: 2010. It's fairly self explanitory... but my parents, boyfriend, and good friends showed up and made me feel very loved. I'll write more about it as soon as I get some photos of it hanging.

*process photos of my narrative piece*

Pin Up or Pinup?

Recently I was commissioned to do a portrait for someone for her husband. I think this may have been the first paid portrait I've done. My first portrait pinup was for my friend Alan, of his lady, Jamie, and it stemmed from a class assignment I took digitally.
Anything that is supposed to look like someone who isn't a celebrity makes me nervous. I've done regular traditional and semi-traditional portraits of singers and actresses, etc. That's easy, I don't have to worry about getting a likeness as much as someone I have contact with, or someone that's paying me.
While I was at it, I quickly finished up a girl I've had on my hard drive for what seems like ages. It's not a Haunted Mansion rip off, just something I've had dancing in my sketchbook for what seems like forever.

I have many more other pinup girls in sketchbooks littered throughout my apartment, I'm hoping to finish their sketches and bring them in to Illustrator and finish them off while I'm on break, but I'd really like to get some traditional painting done on my down time. (We won't talk about having to look for work as well).

Mom

This is still in progress, and I want to finish it and print it out for mom for xmas.
I was at first, intimidated by the thought of doing a portrait digitally. But I assume that's the kind of nervousness that comes with any new medium.

I've learned that if you have a decent grasp on painting, even minimally, digital painting isn't that hard to do... well, mostly. But what this does for me.. is makes me want to keep practicing my traditional painting (like the one that's been sitting on my easel for a year).

And now that I've looked at it after putting it away for a little bit, I see some anatomical issues. But that's good! I have to remember to go back over abandoned projects and fix 'em!

Mom, in Painter.

Finals?

The end of a torrid semester is here. It's been a fast, uneventful, illness-filled semester. I hope I can stay on top of creating while I'm on break.

I have a new print underway, and I'm excited to see how it turns out.

So in the mean time, I'm posting my last digital sketch from class. I was afraid of starting the semester in this class because I'd never painted or sketched digitally. I've done vector images (my pinups) but never actually painted in Photoshop. It's daunting to me, because I see the type of work that some really great illustrators put out digitally and envy their skill.
I picked it up like a duck to water. Which is to say, I'm no pro, and I have a long way to go... but I think I've picked up a new medium to express myself... and all I need now is to continue practicing and have fun with it.

Sketch: